Everyone has ups and downs in life, and let’s face facts, no matter how strong we think we can be, there are moments when we break down and we wish that someone could hear us out, even a gentle hug would do. This is a familiar case with most of us, and that’s why it is important to have a friend, a friend who is caring, loving and non judgmental to help us overcome dark and gloomy days. We need someone who would be our sunshine on a rainy day, isn’t it? However, put yourself for once in reverse, what if you were the “friend” they need? How would you manage their issues? Would you be able to give them the right advice? Would you be there in the moment and at the scene to help them out? Sometimes it is not possible being there physically, and that’s when we can call and support, and even if that isn’t possible, maybe send across a text or a message on one of the social networking sites, email or whatsapp, just letting out dear friend know that we are there in spirit.
Tips on managing their problems:
1. Your friend needs a helping hand, a shoulder to cry on and someone who they can confide in, hence don’t be a nagging nanny and do not chant the “I told you so”. This wouldn’t help, in fact it would put them into a fix, a quandary of sorts which would make them feel low, unworthy, unloved and so on. This is not why he or she or they have come to you, and you should be empathetic but unbiased at the same time when counseling
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2. You should also be a very good listener, someone who doesn’t interrupt. Remember, the situation now is very volatile and they need to vent out and speak. It would also help starting with a hug, because a hug is a physical medicine which calms the nerves and allows the mind to relax. Then sit with the person, offer them some water or a calming beverage, fresh fruit juice. Please don’t offer caffeine or aerated drinks, which as proven can make a person hyper. Then hold their hands gently, look them into the eye as they speak. Let them know that you care by doing so, and this would let the heart melt of the person in distress, making it easier for them to trust you and to speak with you.
3. If it is your friend and you knew that this would happen to them, stop bringing up the past. Rather what you should do is to just hear them out, be there for them and allow them to cry as much as they want. Crying helps, be it a man or a woman, it does help calm the nerves and remove negative energy from within. Offer them a tissue and let them hug you if possible when they cry.
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Be empathetic but know your limits:
Do not make matters worse by cross checking with the other party, even if you are permitted to do so. It is their problem and the two of them should solve it out, however, if you are very sure of the situation only then make a move to moderate both ends, or else just be there with your friend and ask them to sit and talk. Don’t lash out at the next party, don’t assume and don’t just hear one part, there are two sides of the coin but don’t interfere with the other end unless they come to you with their version or have asked you for help.
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